Of Snow & Sadness

Sometimes you just have to wait,
For that sadness to wash over, finish its role.
So you can really taste the sweetness of happiness.
It's a long wait I know,
And leaves your thoughts buried deep in the snow.
You try to break through the sleet, to bring to reality
The smoke-clad shadows, the amorphous figures;
That disguise themselves in quotations of the world,
Which surreptitiously but shamelessly weave themselves
In the dungeons of your brain.
Like tunes do in a canon. Relentless and exhausting and yet-
Hitting the right notes every time.
They threaten to pour out of those drowsy half-closed
Souls that call themseleves eyes. For they are the only opening.
On lazy saturday afternoons, the sultry air in the room,
Adorned thick with the perfume of
Sweet love making. And in the end,
You realize where your wait has brought you.
The sleet is but water, and you surface.
Break through the sadness.

Say it.

"Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say" - John Mayer

Despite my apparent obsession with the above mentioned man. There are some things in his songs which have moulded me and my thinking to some extent. The simple thing of just saying what you want to/need to, without the fear of being judged, questioned manipulated. This has been playing incessantly on my mind for the past few weeks. It is not pleasant I tell you. If you are so adamant on boundaries and not letting people in, then why bother making friends? Obviously, some boundaries are necessary, but it would all just be so much easier if people just did say what was on their mind. This concept has also made me feel that I have not been fair to people. However my recent experiences have not encouraged me to do so either. Consciousness, Conscience, fear. Yes, fear is that which grips you by the neck.But fear from what? Ultimately all choices become pointless, priorities change with change in circumstances and consequences. The fear that someone may know you too well? Even better than perhaps you know yourself? Excuse me for getting a bit technical at this point, but isn't that the whole point of socialization in the first place? To get to know people and for them to get to know and understand (or attempt to) you. So why deter that attempt dead in its tracks? It often makes me wonder whether replacing people is really that hard. And perhaps I feel too much. Recitation and the silence do not stay a means but ends in themselves. The silence being impregnated with echoes of things to be said. I don't know, its disturbing.
Oh well. Self-doubt is subjective and only you can set its objectives. But why can't it be easy? Why can't we just say it?

Untitled

And...here it is.

‘Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood’
Says Mr. Mayer.
For fear lies beneath that layer
Of incorrigible being.
It is that omnipresent sanity,
That keeps me from my darker self.
Yes, it does me good, not vanity.
Accompanying the dust on the bookshelf,
Risk losing all that’s sought after,
Fought over and that silence,
Which consumes you, a thousand times over.
Fear, my love, to fall?
And not walk tall?
Embrace it, you cannot escape it. Use it.
Or dare lose that being.